How to make a Political Party Extinct in 30 years or less!
by @sueinrockville and Milt Shook
This was truly a banner week for the GOP course of self-destruction notably among the three remaining GOP Presidential Contenders.
Where else to begin but with Donald J. Drumpf who is having another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week, where he apparently suggested digging up the late Joe Paterno. His campaign’s clumsy attempts to explain he meant the Paterno Statue did very little to convince anyone.
Of course, if Drumpf’s ignorance about national issues wasn’t fodder enough for all the late-night comedy shows, he wasn’t finished and he proceeded to dip his tiny little toe into the very complex issue of Israel and the disputed territories. Predictably, he was unable to answer a single question, but instead tossed it over to his “Jewish” advisor.
Speaking of Jewish gaffes-the irrelevant John Kasich, who is only different from Drumpf and Cruz because he doesn’t scream in profanities, is praying for a miracle this Passover, although he’s likely to miss out.
As Kasich clumsily tried to #Goysplain Passover to a group of Orthodox Jews. In the process, he conflated events that occurred thousands of years apart. He tried to link the fact that Jesus was called the “Lamb of God” to the lamb’s blood smeared over the doors of the homes of Jews before the killing of their first-born sons.
Apparently, Ted Cruz is not satisfied being despised by 90% of Americans, most of them fellow Republicans. He decided that he would rather go for a perfect score, so, in a nausea-inducing series of events, he proceeded to explain & justify banning masturbation and dildos.
However, the best tweet of the week may have been from his former college roommate, Craig Mazin, who may still suffer from PTSD. He said,
Ted Cruz thinks people don’t have a right to “stimulate their genitals.” I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his.
— Craig Mazin (@clmazin) April 13, 2016
Mind bleach is on the way.
Not enough Cruz? How about this; Heidi Cruz admitted at a CNN Townhall that, upon returning from their honeymoon, Cruz went to the store & returned with 100 cans of Chunky Soup! Yet she is still married to him. At least it wasn’t apple pies I guess! ( See 1999 film American Pie)
Okay, one more, but we’ll trade out the mind bleach for a barf bag. Cruz did a Town Hall on CNN earlier this week with his daughters and Heidi, where he admitted that, on a daddy-daughter outing, he allowed his daughter to dress him in women’s underwear and a pink boa. He was shocked, however, when his daughter advised him that there was video of the event out there somewhere. Are you like us, and both wishing you could see it and hoping you don’t?
We thought we were done but that pesky barnacle Sarah Palin (known around these parts as Caribou Barbie!) rounds out the week by claiming that “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as (she is).” Okay, Barbie, let’s compare and contrast:
The only thing she is an expert in is speaking Authentic Frontier Gibberish.
Come back next week as we explore GOP Governors and their failures to learn the Laws of Unintended Consequences!