Right Wing World

One of the most fascinating features of this week’s convention is the proliferation of Jesus Freaks and rightards that feel the need to peddle their wares in the Democratic "den of heathens." I’m not just talking about anti-choice protesters; I expected those; after nearly 30 years of Republicans running the whole show, they still haven’t gotten their way, and probably never will. Although, I will say this; for a group of people who are supposedly basing everything on their "values," they sure have a strange way of expressing them. There’s a large panel truck that has been driving all around downtown all week, featuring a close-up picture of an aborted fetus, emblazoned with the caption, "Abortion is an ‘Obama-nation’" even though there are a whole lot of small children in the area. Given that these are the same assholes who were freaked out by Janet Jackson’s breast a few years back, it seems a bit hypocritical.

On the 16th Street Mall, which is kind of the centerpiece of downtown, and where every conventioneer goes to buy shit, there is no shortage of self-righteous prigs and right wing freakazoids occupying almost every street corner. Many of them simply hand out tracts, and seem oblivious to the fact that almost everyone who takes one is taking one look and tossing them in the recycle bins that sit not ten feet behind most of them. There are people with signs, proclaiming Democrats as "headed for Hell" because, in their opinion, no Democrat could possibly believe in those things "Jesus" taught them — you know, like making sure that everyone else knows they’re going to hell because they say so; making sure everyone knows that "homo sex" is a sin, and that we can’t coddle those sinners, and that the Lord hates everyone who doesn’t comply with his rules.

But as entertaining as they are, nothing beats the right wingers who are here, because it’s their solemn duty to let all of us "liberal Democrats" know that we’re all a bunch of pansy-ass coddlers, who want to raise everyone’s taxes and funnel the money to shiftless people who are too stupid to get a decent job. They carry hand-made brown cardboard signs that are nearly illegible, and they include just about every "insult" that Rush and Sean have taught them over the years.

But they’re fun. I went to one of them, who was carrying a cardboard screed proclaiming "I ama liberal Democrat," and asked him what the first line meant, and suggesting that it made no sense, he laughed and said, "Can’t you see that it’s a satire? The truth hurts, don’t it?" When I suggested that satire, to be effective must be, well, "funny," he bristled, and then proclaimed, "I’m a Libertarian<‘ to which I replied, "well that explains it; right wingers have no sense of humor. They think insult itself is a form of humor,. You have a good time, now."

Strangely, that was Monday, and I haven’t seen him since.

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